Guidelines for Weekly Couples Meeting
A couples meeting helps couples reconnect on a regular basis. It prevents problems from building and escalating. It keeps a household running smoothly and helps couples work as a team. Schedule a weekly relationship meeting. All couples need to have a routine for helping each other stay focused or accountable for the health of their relationship.
Make a commitment to meet weekly in a private and safe place.
Keep the meeting to less than 45 minutes.
Don’t meet when either of you are hungry, irritable or exhausted.
Avoid discussing sensitive topics and bigger challenges for your first few meetings. For instance, bring up easier-to-resolve concerns during the first three to five meetings.
A good goal for each meeting is that it inspires another one the following week.
Expressing Appreciation
Set a positive tone by each partner taking turns talking about what they appreciated about the other partner during the previous week.
For instance, you might say: “I appreciated you listening to me vent about my sister yesterday,”
yesterday,” “I appreciated you turning off the phone so we could talk,” or
“I appreciated you making dinner on Monday.”
dinner on Monday.”Discussing Chores
Each partner talks about the chores on their to-do list. Together, you decide which tasks will be tackled next week, and which tasks can wait.
Next, you figure out who will perform or delegate each task. Then you discuss your progress with the tasks from the previous meetings.
If talking about a certain task becomes too emotional, move that conversation to the last part of your meeting.
Planning for Good Times
Couples schedule a weekly date, family outings, vacations, get-togethers with friends and at least one enjoyable activity they do on their own as a couple. Partners present their ideas and brainstorm together. Then couples decide on the activities and schedule them.
Couples dates can be anything from taking a long walk to having coffee at your favorite café to packing a picnic for a concert in the park.
Resolving Problems and Challenges
In the last portion of your meeting, partners pick one or two issues they’d like to discuss. While you’re talking about the issue, your spouse listens fully. Once you feel like your spouse has understood and heard you, your partner can respond. Then you brainstorm solutions.
Don’t attack your partner. Instead, address the specific problems. Use “I” statements, such as “I like,” “I’d rather not,” “I feel” or “What I would like instead is.”As an alternative to blaming your spouse make a request.In the end, you might reach an agreement, decide to continue the conversation at your next meeting or accept that the problem can’t be resolved and you’ll both learn to live with it (such as a partner’s trait).
This is a time when you also might realize that an issue is causing a rift in your relationship, bring these issues into your next couples or individual counseling session.
If there’s time, you can tackle another issue, and go through the same process.
End the meeting on a positive note by describing 2 or 3 things you both handled well during the meeting.
Then do something you enjoy, either together or individually.
This is a guideline for you to use during your couples meetings
Couples Meeting Agenda
Date: Time: Location:
Expressing Appreciation
I appreciate ___________________________________________________________________________
I appreciate ___________________________________________________________________________
I appreciate ___________________________________________________________________________
Discussing Chores
“TO DO” WHO IS DOING? WHEN?
WHO IS DOING? WHEN?Planning For Good Times
Next Couples Date:
Next Family Outing:
Upcoming Vacation:
Upcoming Get-Togethers with Friends:
Present your ideas about planning for good times and brainstorm new ones.
Resolving Problems and Challenges
Don’t attack your partner. Instead, address the specific problems.
Use “I” statements, such as “I like,” “I’d rather not,” “I feel” or “What I would
like instead is.”
As an alternative to blaming your spouse, make a request.
First problem/challenge I’d like to discuss:
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
What do I want my spouse to hear most about this?
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Second problem /challenge I’d like to discuss:
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
What do I want my spouse to hear most about this?
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
End the meeting on a positive note by describing 2 or 3 things
you both handled well during the meeting.
Next Meeting Date and Time:
Topics to be continued at next meeting:
Keep Up the Good Work!
Couples Counseling Today
