Use the Complete Dialogue Wheel in any situation where conflict and misunderstanding has come about, especially with your spouse. Use this as a guide for non-defensive communication that lets the other person know how you have reacted to their behavior without blaming.
#1 Data: What I experienced.
Describe simply what happened. Stay in the present. No interpretation.
#2 Judgements: What I made up about it is...
State your own interpretation
about what happened.
#3 Feelings: How I feel about it is...
Describe the emotions you felt during the experience.
Own your feelings. No one “makes you” feel anything.
#4 Wants: What I would like is... (for me, for you, for our relationship)
Describe what you want, be specific, what would help you feel better
#5 Intention: I will... (make a request, promise, offer, declaration, apology...)
Describe what you are willing to do to change the situation, strengthen the relationship, and get more connected.
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