Daily Relationship Journal

Writing down your thoughts, feelings and reactions is an essential step in gaining perspective and creating change. Find a notebook that is small enough to carry with you, but big enough to easily write in. Use this Relationship Journal to write down your feelings about your relationship, about relationships in general, your observations about other people’s relationships, as well as your reactions to counseling. Keep a record of this important time by journaling about your thoughts, feelings, and reactions as you take in and begin using new tools for change.



Where am I now in my relationship?

Begin by finishing the set of sentence starters below. These are intended to stimulate your thinking and feelings about “where you are” in your relationship. Take some time to reflect on your thoughts, feelings, wants and needs and complete each sentence below with an honest and spontaneous completion of the sentence.

1. I tend to deny
2. I am happiest when
3. Sometimes I
4. What makes me angry is
5. I wish
6. I hate it when
7. I would give anything if my partner would
8. Sometimes
9. I would be more lovable if
10. My mother and father
11. If only I had
12. My best quality is
13. Sometimes at night 
14. When I was a child
15. My worst trait is
16. My life really changed when
17. If my relationships ends it will be because
18. My partner hates it when
19. My partners greatest fear is
20. I feel lonely when
21. I am afraid
22. I love
23. We use to laugh more because
24. It would be best if friends
25. I feel fake when
26. I can’t forgive
27. I find it hard to
28. Together we
29. What surprises me is
30. I believe
31. Other people think
32. Men
33. Women
34. I regret
35. It doesn’t pay to
36. It helps me when we
37. If only
38. We never seem to
39. After we argue I wish
40. If only I could



Relationship Problem Areas

Check off the problem areas where you are struggling the most and then write a few words that describes the essence or core of the problem. Then number the areas in order of the most problematic to the least problematic from your point of view.

  • Household chores
  • Mutual Goals 
  • Harshness
  • Lack of Passion
  • Time Together
  • Boredom
  • Addictive behavior
  • Infidelity
  • In-laws
  • Criticisms
  • General Relationship Problems
  • Money/Finances
  • Sexual Relationship
  • Communication
  • Lack of Intimacy
  • Jealousy
  • Rage
  • Lack of Trust
  • Children
  • Mutual Interests
  • Parenting                                                                          

Couples Counseling Today
.
Contact Julienne Derichs 
Call 847 266-8484 or email me at CouplesCounselingToday@gmail.com
Contact Julienne Derichs 
Call 847 266-8484 or email me at CouplesCounselingToday@gmail.com
The Magic Wand

This is a journaling exercise. Get out your relationship journal and find somewhere private and quiet. Imagine you now possess a magic wand that can instantly and permanently transform both you and your partner so that you can enjoy the satisfying level of connection – intellectual, emotional, physical, sexual, and spiritual – that you both deserve. Imagine a scene that captures your relationship as you would ideally like it to be, with all areas of intimacy unblocked and open. The scene you envision could be as simple as the two of you strolling down a beach, holding hands and talking, or one in which you share some deep concern with your partner and he responds with kindness and understanding. Don’t try conjuring up something grand and extravagant. Instead, picture and interaction that embodies you and your partner being happy with each other.

Write the answers to these questions:

  • What is the scene you’ve envisioned?
  • In the scene, what qualities are present in each of you that are lacking now?
  • In the scene, what is it like to get from your partner what you’ve been wishing for? What is it like to express qualities you may not be currently expressing?
  • With the scene as your guide, make a list of the five most important changes you want to see in your relationship.




Intimacy Inventory

Intimacy is not a concrete concept; it is a quality in a relationship that takes on many forms. The common thread being feelings of closeness among partners in a relationship. Intimacy and healthy relationships go hand in hand, yet everyone has different ideas about how intimacy is created.

According to your own personal perception, assess how well you share yourself and how well you receive what your partner shares with you in the five areas of intimacy. 

1. poor  2. infrequent or difficult  3. fair  4. consistently good  5. excellent 


Intellectual: The mutual sharing of ideas in respectful nonjudgmental ways.

You: Sharing Yourself ________ Receiving _______

Your Partner: Sharing His/Herself ________ Receiving from your partner _______

Your Relationship: Sharing  ________ Receiving _______

Emotional: The expressions of one’s fears, joys, sadness, anger, etc., and the receiving of each others feelings with respect and compassion – without defensiveness or withdrawing.

You: Sharing Yourself ________ Receiving _______

Your Partner: Sharing His/Herself ________ Receiving from your partner _______

Your Relationship: Sharing  ________ Receiving _______

Physical: The active participation in mutual activities.

You: Sharing Yourself ________ Receiving _______

Your Partner: Sharing His/Herself ________ Receiving from your partner _______

Your Relationship: Sharing ________ Receiving _______

Sexual: Honoring the mutuality of sex. Being open to your partners desires and the expression of your own desires without doing something you don’t want to do.

You: Sharing Yourself ________ Receiving _______

Your Partner: Sharing His/Herself ________ Receiving from your partner _______

Your Relationship: Sharing ________ Receiving _______

Spiritual: Support for each other’s sense of purpose and meaning, however defined.

You: Sharing Yourself ________ Receiving _______

Your Partner: Sharing His/Herself ________ Receiving from your partner _______

Your Relationship: Sharing ________ Receiving _______




The mechanics of a healthy relationship require learning to:


● Identify and articulate your wants and needs.

● Listen and respond generously.

● Set limits, and stand up for yourself.

● Know when to back off.

● Know when to get help.

● Know when to embrace what you have with appreciation and gratitude.

● Share yourself and make welcome your partner.

● Actively cherish each other.